Why Letting Go Made Me a Better Product Manager
New Year Reflections on Letting Go, Learning, and Becoming a Better Product Manager
Welcome to No BS Product Management, your weekly guide to mastering the product management journey—from breaking into the role to crushing it as a PM.
Every week, I tackle common challenges that PMs face by sharing straightforward advice, actionable tips, and proven strategies from my own experience to navigate tough situations, win over stakeholders, and elevate your PM skills.
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The earliest memory I have of dreaming about a career was to become a movie director. Growing up in a family of movie lovers, I watched at least two movies every week. Movies became so ingrained in my life that I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I pictured myself as a big-shot director, creating stories that would captivate audiences.
Looking back, there were opportunities to step into the movie world—like the time I was offered a job at a news media agency, which could have been a stepping stone. But I didn’t take it, because I couldn’t afford to take the risk. Making money was non-negotiable, and I always chose the path that offered the highest probability of financial stability. Movies, with their uncertainty and low odds of success, simply didn’t fit into that equation.
And yet, I’ve never regretted that choice. When I reflect on why being a movie director appealed to me so much, it wasn’t just the art of storytelling. It was the idea of being “in control.” Growing up, my family faced significant financial troubles, and I often felt helpless. I promised myself that when I grew up, I’d never feel that powerless again. I would take control and ensure financial stability no matter what.
When my career began, that need for control showed up at work. As a developer, my role felt limiting—I was expected to stick to the scope, with little room for creativity or autonomy. It frustrated me deeply. Staying in that role was clearly not aligned with my personality. Working at an early-stage startup, however, gave me the flexibility to explore other paths. Whenever another team had a need, I’d jump in. That’s how I transitioned into a Presales Consultant role. Researching companies and tailoring sales pitches fascinated me. It helped me develop business intuition and broaden my understanding of industries. But even that role felt incomplete. I created the material for pitches, but it was the Sales team that delivered them. When they faltered, I’d think, “I could have done this better.” Once the material left my hands, it was out of my control—and that bothered me.
I felt lost. My career seemed like a haphazard mix of roles with no clear direction. I wanted to be an entrepreneur, to build something successful with my own hands. But without a financial safety net, that dream felt out of reach. A friend, listening to my frustrations, casually remarked, “This sounds like what Product Managers do at bigger companies.” I’d never heard of the role. No MBA, no exposure to larger companies—PM was a mystery to me. But when I started researching, it felt perfect. I could be the “CEO” without actually being the CEO. It sounded too good to be true.
I threw myself into preparation. I studied harder than I ever had in school. I solved problems, practiced mock interviews, and did everything possible to break into product management. Eventually, I made it.
The first two years were traumatic. I came in with a “CEO” mindset, eager to control everything. I wanted to do whatever it took to make the business successful. I hardly cared about people’s feelings. I bulldozed through, trampling on colleagues’ efforts, lecturing them on what it takes to succeed. I ignored my manager’s guidance, steering the product however I wanted. I even took on tasks outside my role, increasing others’ insecurities. I thought I was driving success, but in reality, everyone hated me.
It was an isolating time. I constantly wondered, “Why do they hate me when all I want is to make them succeed?” I fought with everyone, spiraling into frustration and depression. I often thought about quitting to start something on my own. It was one of the hardest periods of my life—but also a turning point.
I took a 15-day break and sought therapy. Those sessions were a revelation. I realized my control issues stemmed from childhood fears—a fear of failure, of becoming helpless again. My definition of success was skewed. I equated my success as a PM with business success, but that wasn’t sustainable, especially in a large company. Therapy helped me redefine success: My job as a PM wasn’t to control everything. It was to empower others, ensure my stakeholders—my first customers—were happy, and steer the product in the right direction.
With that clarity, I made changes that transformed both my career and personal life:
I decided to let go. I accepted that I couldn’t control everything, and that was okay.
I chose to listen. Instead of imposing my ideas, I started understanding others’ perspectives.
I aligned with decisions. I stopped fighting exec decisions and instead strengthened them with my intuition.
I prioritized people. I put relationships first, knowing that a collaborative team drives success better than any lone hero.
These shifts changed everything. My relationships with stakeholders improved. My influence grew. People wanted to work with me. And my career trajectory accelerated faster than I could have imagined. It also made me realize that these are essential changes that I needed to do if I wanted to succeed as an entrepreneuer.
Which brings me to my purpose with this newsletter: I want to help you become a better PM by sharing the lessons I’ve learned the hard way. Every misstep, every hard-fought realization, is an opportunity for you to navigate your journey with fewer obstacles and more clarity. While doing so, I also aim to lay the foundation for my journey as an entrepreneur.
So - Even though I never became the movie director I dreamed of as a child, I’ve realized that my role as a Product Manager allows me to create and lead impactful stories—not on the big screen, but through the products I build and the teams I collaborate with. The key isn’t control, but collaboration. It’s not about imposing your vision, but bringing everyone’s ideas together to create something meaningful. And that, for me, has been the most rewarding transformation.
Happy new year!
Loved reading this version of your career story! I also started as a Presales consultant, and I’m stealing your phrasing of “developed my business intuition and broadened my understanding of industries” because it’s SO TRUE.
I became a PM for an internal product at my company because I was a very vocal user of the product. I invested a lot of time in doing UAT and writing up detailed feedback as a user, pointing out errors in the output they were delivering to users (employees) that would have cascading effects for our business. Senior leadership invited me to become a PM for them and “help them fix it” so I came in with guns blazing. I regret it now; I didn’t really understand the environment that everyone was trying to deliver in, where leadership prioritized the quantity of launch announcements sent out in a quarter and never looked at the number of tickets users cut pointing out discrepancies and errors. I just thought that the team didn’t care enough, and that was why there were so many mistakes. Looking back, I think this belief was one of many obstacles to me being able to effectively collaborate with the team, which has resulted in me not being able to have the kind of influence that I wanted to have. When I look back at what I’ve accomplished in my time here, I feel pretty disappointed.
I have been trying my best with this job for nearly 3 years. It’s starting to take a real toll on my mental and physical health. I am trying to leave, but I can’t decide whether I should try to be a PM somewhere else, go back to what I was doing before (analytics and people management), or get out of tech altogether. I’m very unhappy in this job, but I can’t tell if it’s the PM role itself, or the team (since this is the only context I’ve ever known for the PM role). Do you have any advice on how to disentangle those threads? I worked so hard to get my “technical” job title, and it came through so recently. I feel like it would be stupid to walk away from it now.
Hello, thank you for this comment. This is exactly what I am talking about - "over-ownership of the Product", where we feel like the only satisfaction for us as PMs comes from improving the product. My only advice to you which I also mention in the article is to start thinking holistically about the role - Does your leadership trust you? Do your stakeholders listen to you? Do people want to work with you? - weigh these things while balancing the factor of - Is your product moving towards improvement? . You may not be able to solve every discrepancy at one shot but slowly be moving towards it, each Org has its priorities beyond your control, and that is totally okay. If you're able to internalize this, you'll be able to succeed as a PM.